what will go next in the land of the lash?: As Saudi Arabia bans CHESS

The board game was banned because it encourages gambling – after all, nothing gets the punters in like a five-hour draw between two pasty-faced Russians

At this rate, Saudi Arabia is in danger of losing its reputation as the fun capital of the world.

The Grand Mufti has seen fit to ban that most decadent of board games – chess.

At first I thought perhaps the queen was insufficiently covered up for him, or that he thought the idea of bishops was a bit too kafir.

But apparently it’s on the grounds that it encourages gambling.

After all, nothing gets the high rollers piling into Vegas like the prospect of a five-hour draw between two pasty-faced Russians.

While I understand and sympathise with what must be yet another crushing blow to all those Riyadh high street bookies, my main worry is where does this leave other games in the Arab world.

What about Cluedo? Is Buckaroo! OK? I think we need some clarity from the Saudi ambassador.

Getty

Precisely what are the parameters of an acceptable game in the Wahabi “magic kingdom”? I’m sure we could lash up, if that’s the appropriate word, a Wahabi ­version of Top Trumps.

OK then, I’ve got “15th Century”.

Ah. I’ve got “12th Century”.

Well, I’ve got “Stoning to death”. So there!

Damn, I’ve only got “beheading”.

So now we can add chess to executions, lashings, ­suppression of women and ­repression of dissent. This could be the final straw.

Next time one of their rulers-for-life passes away we might not even fly our flags at half mast or sell them any more weapons .

While we’re on the subject of the delights of Wahabi teachings, Channel 4’s ­documentary The Jihadis Next Door was an opportunity to see how ­deluded this sad but scarily dangerous little group of outliers are.

Channel 4/PA

We saw them eating and chuckling as they watched videos of Isis executions online, shouting at Muslims outside Mosques telling them they’re not really Muslims, shouting at Kurds telling them they aren’t Muslims and telling Shi-ite Muslims they’re infidels.

As for the rest of us, we’re all deservedly going to burn in hellfire for eternity.

In terms of all-round hatred of the human race, on a ­misanthropic scale of one to 10 these losers scored 10 out of 10. I particularly enjoyed the way they talked about the arrogance of our democracy.

Is there anything more ­arrogant than a human being claiming to know what God thinks? My commiserations to 99.99 per cent of Britain’s Muslims.

The sad fact is that swivel-eyed loons from the 10th century talking about hellfire and ­beheadings makes better TV than some kids going to the mosque then out to play footie and getting chips on their way home.

Source: http://www.mirror.co.uk